In hindsight, I was showing all the signs: anxiety, depression, compulsions, addictions. I couldn’t regulate my emotions, and I was self-destructive. I had post-traumatic stress disorder.
It took me thirty-three years before I realized it.
Today, I can recognize these signs and more in one-quarter to one-third of the population (some of you can, too), but–more importantly–I know how to help people overcome them. Why? Because my healer journey started with my own healing journey.
It was a healing journey I never wanted, but I discovered that my personal experience with this disease allowed me to help countless people start or continue healing from trauma when no one else could. It turns out that the healing journey I never wanted gave me the healer journey I really needed.
A Rough Start
This photo of me in my Army uniform and black beret was taken on the day I graduated from US Army Officer Basic Course. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, because I was about to launch into my profession–something I had worked four years to do-in a season when my profession mattered most. America had been attacked by Al-Qaeda the year before, and we were now waging war on two fronts.
Instead, I was miserable. I had spent my first twenty-two years experiencing trauma after trauma in a highly dysfunctional family. Then, I had spent my twenty-third year (pictured) reporting a military sexually assault, experiencing reprisal by members from my military “brotherhood”, and being addicted to a toxic relationship with an alcoholic that ended in betrayal. That’s when I began seeing pictures of myself dead in my bathtub.
I left university a semester early to try to pull myself together. Six months later, I was called up to go to the Officer Basic Course. By now, I was terrified for my life, especially in an Army that turned on those who reported sexual assault. Instead of letting them destroy me, I decided to self-destruct instead.
A Stubborn Refusal
This photo of me during a lifestyle photo shoot was taken eleven years later, after two combat deployments and a mental health medical evacuation. I had now been on the psychiatric medication rollercoaster for over a decade. I was getting worse, not better, even though I had now found some spiritual support and removed the more overtly destructive habits from my compulsions repertoire.
I was ten pounds thinner than the military photo, because I had been hell-bent on losing “just a few more pounds” for years. I was also a high-powered consultant, a seminary student, and a talent launch participant.
I looked fabulous on the outside. I was dying on the inside.
An Unexpected Turn
This photo of me kneeling to pray healing over a woman who is face down on the floor was taken four years later, after another toxic relationship caused chronic fatigue syndrome to shut down my life. I got fired from my consulting firm, and had to quit seminary. I moved back in with my parents because I couldn’t leave the couch for more than an hour a day.
I realized that my best efforts to follow what my culture and my graduate-level education told me was “a good life” had created some sort of blindness in me, one that had allowed this sickness to take over. That’s when I gave it over to my Higher Power. I began to pray about everything (and I mean EVERYTHING, like how much I should heat my tea), because I had no idea how to get out of the mess I was in. I prayed for hours a day for guidance, and whatever I heard in my mind or heart that gave me a sense of peace, I did. I made it my full-time job to go to doctors, therapists, and Veteran programs until I got better, little by little. Four years later, I was in Europe on a short-term mission trip (pictured), helping other people receive healing from their Higher Power, just as I had done.
I became fanatical about helping people start their healing journeys. I knew that if I could do it, anyone could do it. I devoted every waking minute to honing my ability to help people identify and overcome trauma and its associated chronic illnesses. I saw alcoholics get sober, blind people gain much of their eyesight back, deaf people start hearing, lame people start walking, people crippled with pain get set free, and much, much more. In my fanaticism, I discovered a holistic approach to healing that combines spiritual, psychological, and physical healing techniques to achieve exponential impact upon a person’s health.
The Journey Continues
Today, I’m still fanatical about healing, but in a different way.
It started when I met Brett. We were married eleven months later.
I helped him start his own healing journey, and he supported me through mine. Then, he showed me how my healer approach could be expanded. He developed the Seven-Part Person(TM) model based on the healing journey he experienced. I will let him tell you the rest of his story next week.
A few dozen people into my healing practice (which I did as a free ministry), I realized that if I continued healing one person at a time, I would only be able to help a few thousand people in my lifetime. However, if I gave away what I have learned to other healers, I could help hundreds of thousands of people in my lifetime.
That’s the effect Brett has on people: he makes them think bigger until they start working towards the upper limits of their potential.
Do It Again
Today, I can say that I’d probably be willing to do it all over again if I had to, because the satisfaction I feel when I hear healing stories from the people I’ve helped, and especially the people they’ve helped is indescribable.
However, neither my healing nor my healer journeys are over. I’m continuing to heal, continuing to mature, and continuing to grow. I’m still working through some sexual trauma. My body is still retaining weight from years of over-dieting. I’m still addicted to sugar (like 95% of Americans), but as far as I can tell, that’s the last addiction I have to overcome.
Perhaps, one day, I will “arrive” somewhere I feel I’m supposed to be. Until then, I appreciate the ability to invite others into my journey, and offer my support to theirs.
Thanks for letting me into yours.
Your Turn
How about you? How has some experience in your own healing journey allowed you to give away healing to someone else?
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